This is my favorite story when dealing with people about their taxes.
Me: Hello, this is Ydog at Awesome Accountants R Us. I still need some paperwork to finish your taxes. I need you to bring in your Trusts.
Lady: Well I don't know why you need that.
Me: I need this to finish your taxes. The information about the trusts go on your tax forms.
Lady: Why didn't you ask me for this last year?
Me: I used this information last year also. I have it here right in front of me.
Lady: I don't know if I feel comfortable bringing that to you.
Me: Well, then I can't finish your taxes.
Lady: What do you need again?
Me: Your trusts. Can you bring in your trusts?
Lady: Well, I guess I could get my son to help me bring them in but I still don't know why you need them.
Me: Your trusts go on your tax return. They do every year. Please bring in your trusts so that I can finish your taxes.
Lady: Ok, I will bring in my trucks, but they haven't been washed in years and they have weeds in the back.
Me: Let me just call your son.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Things I am thankful for
Ten things I am thankful for.......serious list
1. My family. I am very lucky to say I had an awesome childhood. I never wanted for anything except for a Snoopy Snowcone....have been waiting 29 years....and have you met my brother? Totally kick ass....
2. My house. Cause its cute. And because I get to mow grass....I love mowing grass.
3. Bo Didley. I have wanted a horse since I was 5 when I started my "horse fund"
4. Friends. I have some of the best in the world
5. Having a job. Those are becoming hard to come by. And I have super duper bosses
6. Being healthy.....I am so much better than I was three or four years ago....I have my life back....and I can eat hot wings again!!!!
7. Heat....it hits home when your furnace breaks
8. Having a college education...glad I got it out of the way
9.My religious upbringing.
10. Living in a free country. Go USA!!!
Not so serious list:
1. I am thankful for the Hall's new jukebox. I know...who doesn't love Lynyrd Skynyrd and Creedence Clearwater......its ok...they are still in there....and now we can skip songs if someone decides to play the whole meatloaf album...twice
2. My town's trash pickup persons.....I can't tell you why.....anyone else have Panther Hauling and is picking up what I am putting down?
3. Thank God for the leaf pickup in my town. I don't know what I would do without it. I don't even have any trees but I am so happy to pay $3 every month to help someone who does. And have you seen how speedy they are?
4. The Redhead's stuffed green peppers. The Redhead's black eyed peas. The Redhead's chicken and dumplings. Lets just say my boyfriend can cook anyone under a table....and then some.
5. My garage....cause scrapping windows just plain sucks.
6. Finger nail clippers. I would have died of a hang nail by now if not for that invention.
7. Snail mail. You just cant beat it. Getting a letter in the mail is ten times better than an email...especially if your not expecting it.
8. Sharp pencils, new calculators, purple highlighters, and crisp legal pads. Cause I'm a nerd and I know it....oh and fresh general ledgers.
9. Bingo dabbers. So many colors...and only $1
10. Chumbawamba.....for giving me a theme song my freshman year of college
1. My family. I am very lucky to say I had an awesome childhood. I never wanted for anything except for a Snoopy Snowcone....have been waiting 29 years....and have you met my brother? Totally kick ass....
2. My house. Cause its cute. And because I get to mow grass....I love mowing grass.
3. Bo Didley. I have wanted a horse since I was 5 when I started my "horse fund"
4. Friends. I have some of the best in the world
5. Having a job. Those are becoming hard to come by. And I have super duper bosses
6. Being healthy.....I am so much better than I was three or four years ago....I have my life back....and I can eat hot wings again!!!!
7. Heat....it hits home when your furnace breaks
8. Having a college education...glad I got it out of the way
9.My religious upbringing.
10. Living in a free country. Go USA!!!
Not so serious list:
1. I am thankful for the Hall's new jukebox. I know...who doesn't love Lynyrd Skynyrd and Creedence Clearwater......its ok...they are still in there....and now we can skip songs if someone decides to play the whole meatloaf album...twice
2. My town's trash pickup persons.....I can't tell you why.....anyone else have Panther Hauling and is picking up what I am putting down?
3. Thank God for the leaf pickup in my town. I don't know what I would do without it. I don't even have any trees but I am so happy to pay $3 every month to help someone who does. And have you seen how speedy they are?
4. The Redhead's stuffed green peppers. The Redhead's black eyed peas. The Redhead's chicken and dumplings. Lets just say my boyfriend can cook anyone under a table....and then some.
5. My garage....cause scrapping windows just plain sucks.
6. Finger nail clippers. I would have died of a hang nail by now if not for that invention.
7. Snail mail. You just cant beat it. Getting a letter in the mail is ten times better than an email...especially if your not expecting it.
8. Sharp pencils, new calculators, purple highlighters, and crisp legal pads. Cause I'm a nerd and I know it....oh and fresh general ledgers.
9. Bingo dabbers. So many colors...and only $1
10. Chumbawamba.....for giving me a theme song my freshman year of college
An old one
Politicians. Curse and swore and hurt my ears. Even the wife. F bomb this...F bomb that. Pay to Play this...Pay to Play that. Go Illinois!!
Christmas. I'm sorry....Holidays. Don't want to offend anyone. Nah...I don't care....Christmas. Drunk bowling with coworkers, dice with the aunts, dirty santa with the cousins, and Christmas Caroling with Joe. He likes to sing the Twelve Days of Christmas cause its long. We sing it real fast when we are by ourselves. And then drink hot chocolate by the tree. Don't throw me down Clark!!
Gas. I ate chilli....just kidding. So happy gas prices are playing limbo...how low can you go...how low can you go. What a relief. Now I can afford to drive to work and don't feel guilty about driving to my mom's house 3 miles away.
Juicy Fruit, Big Red, Spearmint, Double mint. Why the new colors? This isn't the Juicy Fruit my Grandpa used to pull out of his shirt pocket. I am pretty sure he would disapprove of the neon yellow....bring back the gray....its just not natural.
Chicago. We want a divorce. We are over it. You keep your corrupt politics and we will create our own. Joe Ferrero for Governor. He has the cussing requirement taken care of.....and the hairpiece? Well...maybe in a few years. Do they make red toupe's?
30. Feeling it already. Now would be a good time to know a vampire. A vegetarian vampire. Who sparkles. And likes short hair and chicken legs.
Real Estate Taxes. There goes my "Snoopy Snow Cone" Fund. Have to start all over next year.
The radio. Do people really want to hear the new Kenny Chesney song 10 times a day? Who are you people? I have a prize for you.
Christmas. I'm sorry....Holidays. Don't want to offend anyone. Nah...I don't care....Christmas. Drunk bowling with coworkers, dice with the aunts, dirty santa with the cousins, and Christmas Caroling with Joe. He likes to sing the Twelve Days of Christmas cause its long. We sing it real fast when we are by ourselves. And then drink hot chocolate by the tree. Don't throw me down Clark!!
Gas. I ate chilli....just kidding. So happy gas prices are playing limbo...how low can you go...how low can you go. What a relief. Now I can afford to drive to work and don't feel guilty about driving to my mom's house 3 miles away.
Juicy Fruit, Big Red, Spearmint, Double mint. Why the new colors? This isn't the Juicy Fruit my Grandpa used to pull out of his shirt pocket. I am pretty sure he would disapprove of the neon yellow....bring back the gray....its just not natural.
Chicago. We want a divorce. We are over it. You keep your corrupt politics and we will create our own. Joe Ferrero for Governor. He has the cussing requirement taken care of.....and the hairpiece? Well...maybe in a few years. Do they make red toupe's?
30. Feeling it already. Now would be a good time to know a vampire. A vegetarian vampire. Who sparkles. And likes short hair and chicken legs.
Real Estate Taxes. There goes my "Snoopy Snow Cone" Fund. Have to start all over next year.
The radio. Do people really want to hear the new Kenny Chesney song 10 times a day? Who are you people? I have a prize for you.
New Years Resolutions
New Years Resolution 1
Drink lots of water and eat lots of ham. Got a ham for Christmas. Also got a water filtration system. Ham sandwiches for everyone. What? How will we cut it you say? Well with my new Remington Aus8 pocketknife of course. Oh the joys of dating The Redhead. The theme to this year's gifts was: Society is going to fall...we best be prepared. When it does...come to my house. We will filter the water and kill the moles in my yard with my knife and make a mole pot pie.
New Years Resolution 2
Run the 5K on St. Patricks Day. I usually walk it. This year I am going to attempt to run it. I suck at running....I don't think God gave me all the parts to run. He gave me the parts to step over things....like hurdles, sand pits, and Sarah.
New Years Resolution 3
Take more pictures. Since when did I become lame-o no picture girl. I always had the pictures. The good pictures. The blackmail worthy ones...the ones you put on the door of the hall at your friends wedding...bahahaha.
New Years Resolution 4
New Years Resolution 1 leads me to New Years Resolution 4. Kill my mole. No..let me rephrase that. Execute my mole. My little mole friend has been frolicking around my yard since I moved in. I am beginning to built a noose that will hang from my porch. When his little neck is in there he will be on display for one week. Then I will tie him from the back of my car and drive him around town....we will make a few laps...Moto Mart Handee Mart Moto Mart Handee Mart. Then I will let the neighbor cats have their way with him.
New Years Resolution 5
Do more at work...I need to do more of the following: Sharpen pencils, staple things together, shuffle important papers, drink coffee, Unstaple and restaple the staples that are crooked or have the ends coming through the wrong side of the paper, add more big numbers and quit letting Sarah have them all, tune up my calculator...new ink...new 6 button, get a back up space heater in case my current one quits...I wouldn't last a day in this freezer box without it, and my most favorite....practice writing my name. Can't wait for tax season....kinda bored.
Well...thats it for now...remember....ham, water, mole pot pie....you know where to go
Drink lots of water and eat lots of ham. Got a ham for Christmas. Also got a water filtration system. Ham sandwiches for everyone. What? How will we cut it you say? Well with my new Remington Aus8 pocketknife of course. Oh the joys of dating The Redhead. The theme to this year's gifts was: Society is going to fall...we best be prepared. When it does...come to my house. We will filter the water and kill the moles in my yard with my knife and make a mole pot pie.
New Years Resolution 2
Run the 5K on St. Patricks Day. I usually walk it. This year I am going to attempt to run it. I suck at running....I don't think God gave me all the parts to run. He gave me the parts to step over things....like hurdles, sand pits, and Sarah.
New Years Resolution 3
Take more pictures. Since when did I become lame-o no picture girl. I always had the pictures. The good pictures. The blackmail worthy ones...the ones you put on the door of the hall at your friends wedding...bahahaha.
New Years Resolution 4
New Years Resolution 1 leads me to New Years Resolution 4. Kill my mole. No..let me rephrase that. Execute my mole. My little mole friend has been frolicking around my yard since I moved in. I am beginning to built a noose that will hang from my porch. When his little neck is in there he will be on display for one week. Then I will tie him from the back of my car and drive him around town....we will make a few laps...Moto Mart Handee Mart Moto Mart Handee Mart. Then I will let the neighbor cats have their way with him.
New Years Resolution 5
Do more at work...I need to do more of the following: Sharpen pencils, staple things together, shuffle important papers, drink coffee, Unstaple and restaple the staples that are crooked or have the ends coming through the wrong side of the paper, add more big numbers and quit letting Sarah have them all, tune up my calculator...new ink...new 6 button, get a back up space heater in case my current one quits...I wouldn't last a day in this freezer box without it, and my most favorite....practice writing my name. Can't wait for tax season....kinda bored.
Well...thats it for now...remember....ham, water, mole pot pie....you know where to go
25 Random Facts
1. I love office supplies. A new red pen makes my day. A crisp new general ledger pad is heaven. And don't even get me started about a freshly sharpened pencil.
2. I love small town living. I like hearing the Threshermans from my window. I like how everybody knows you and who your parents are. I like being close to horses and cows and chickens. The only bad thing about small towns is the fine tuned "small town rumor mill"....man that thing works good!
3. The fiddle is my favorite instrument. I bought one off ebay. I haven't learned it yet.
4. When I was a kid at Easter time my Granny would make a cake in the shape of a lamb and cover it in light blue icing and coconut. I always asked for the face.
5. I love horses. I started my "horse fund" at age 6 in an empty margarine bowl. At age 28 I took my margarine bowl and bought Bo Didley. Bo Didley has a lower lip that hangs lower that his upper lip. It appears that he is chewing tobacco.
6. At the age of 3 I had heart surgery to repair a hole in my heart caused from a birth defect. They used a piece of plastic the size of a quarter to patch the hole. Also, years later, during a checkup echocardiogram, the nurse said the doctor didn't put my heart back in the right place. Holy crap! Put it back where you found it!
7. I have had one of my best friends since birth. We have pictures together in a playpen. I am pretty sure we will be friends forever...unless she tries to steal my kool aid stand secrets.
8. My "city cousin" used to spend a week with me every summer. She brought at least 10 different stuffed animals and convinced me to be not so nice to my brother and his cabbage patch doll....Boy.
9. My favorite alcoholic drink is red bull and vodka. It makes me very happy.
10. My favorite non alcoholic drink is fresh iced tea
11. Every year I have a "Guns and Wine" party at my parents house. The girls drink wine and the boys shoot guns. It is very sophisticated....you can't hang.
12. I play BINGO at least once a month or so. I sit by my friend Louise. She is 94 claims she NEVER wins...she just donates. I also have BINGO bullies. Sometimes they cuss me out for talking too loud.
13. I am an accountant but what I really want to do is manage a horse stable...there is kinda a shortage of those around here
14. Around January I am loving tax season...around March I am ready for the Red Lobster tax day celebration
15. I can't wait for the Polish Parade. How much fun is that!
16. I have toenails that curl up. They are quit small and funny looking. Its genetic...thanks Dad
17. My Crohn's disease has been in remission for 2.5 years!!! Kudos to my doctors for finally getting my drug cocktail right. Lets drink a red bull and vodka to that!
18. I have met Dierks Bentley. He gave me two hugs and knew how to spell my name without instruction.
19. My friend Sarah and I went through high school and college together...chose the same major....went to grad school together and now work together....she is such a copycat
20. I love to mow grass....but absolutely hate to use the weed eater
21. If it was socially acceptable...I would dress like a cowboy everyday...and would demand the same from my boyfriend.
22. I love to read. I read the first three Twilight books in a week. While reading the fourth...I got depressed cause it was almost over....so I stretched that one to two weeks.
23. I am the shortest person in my family. My dad is 6'4" my brother 6'5" and my mom beat me by 1/4 inch at 5'9"
24. I have a hard time trusting God and try to do things myself...which sometimes makes a big mess....He has really been working with me on that one
25. I really believe everything happens for a reason and sometimes only God knows what that reason is.
2. I love small town living. I like hearing the Threshermans from my window. I like how everybody knows you and who your parents are. I like being close to horses and cows and chickens. The only bad thing about small towns is the fine tuned "small town rumor mill"....man that thing works good!
3. The fiddle is my favorite instrument. I bought one off ebay. I haven't learned it yet.
4. When I was a kid at Easter time my Granny would make a cake in the shape of a lamb and cover it in light blue icing and coconut. I always asked for the face.
5. I love horses. I started my "horse fund" at age 6 in an empty margarine bowl. At age 28 I took my margarine bowl and bought Bo Didley. Bo Didley has a lower lip that hangs lower that his upper lip. It appears that he is chewing tobacco.
6. At the age of 3 I had heart surgery to repair a hole in my heart caused from a birth defect. They used a piece of plastic the size of a quarter to patch the hole. Also, years later, during a checkup echocardiogram, the nurse said the doctor didn't put my heart back in the right place. Holy crap! Put it back where you found it!
7. I have had one of my best friends since birth. We have pictures together in a playpen. I am pretty sure we will be friends forever...unless she tries to steal my kool aid stand secrets.
8. My "city cousin" used to spend a week with me every summer. She brought at least 10 different stuffed animals and convinced me to be not so nice to my brother and his cabbage patch doll....Boy.
9. My favorite alcoholic drink is red bull and vodka. It makes me very happy.
10. My favorite non alcoholic drink is fresh iced tea
11. Every year I have a "Guns and Wine" party at my parents house. The girls drink wine and the boys shoot guns. It is very sophisticated....you can't hang.
12. I play BINGO at least once a month or so. I sit by my friend Louise. She is 94 claims she NEVER wins...she just donates. I also have BINGO bullies. Sometimes they cuss me out for talking too loud.
13. I am an accountant but what I really want to do is manage a horse stable...there is kinda a shortage of those around here
14. Around January I am loving tax season...around March I am ready for the Red Lobster tax day celebration
15. I can't wait for the Polish Parade. How much fun is that!
16. I have toenails that curl up. They are quit small and funny looking. Its genetic...thanks Dad
17. My Crohn's disease has been in remission for 2.5 years!!! Kudos to my doctors for finally getting my drug cocktail right. Lets drink a red bull and vodka to that!
18. I have met Dierks Bentley. He gave me two hugs and knew how to spell my name without instruction.
19. My friend Sarah and I went through high school and college together...chose the same major....went to grad school together and now work together....she is such a copycat
20. I love to mow grass....but absolutely hate to use the weed eater
21. If it was socially acceptable...I would dress like a cowboy everyday...and would demand the same from my boyfriend.
22. I love to read. I read the first three Twilight books in a week. While reading the fourth...I got depressed cause it was almost over....so I stretched that one to two weeks.
23. I am the shortest person in my family. My dad is 6'4" my brother 6'5" and my mom beat me by 1/4 inch at 5'9"
24. I have a hard time trusting God and try to do things myself...which sometimes makes a big mess....He has really been working with me on that one
25. I really believe everything happens for a reason and sometimes only God knows what that reason is.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Suprise!!
Went to let the dogs out after work today. Walked in. Whats that smell? Surprise! Puppy dogs had explosive hind ends all day while being kenneled. Yea for me. Both of them are covered in brown. Tried to stay away from their back ends because I was scared of the explosions. Where in the heck is The Redhead? Attempted to give them a bath. Did not go so well as their back ends had multiple explosions and we had to make emergency runs out into the snow. Good thing it was snow because I could tell where all the explosions happened.
Called The Redhead. Promised he would be home in 20 minutes to deal with the kennel. Don't think he understood when I said "explosive". I meant EXPLOSIVE! As in your gonna have to wipe down the walls and the couch probably needs a new home in the dumpster. Finally gave bath #1. The poor pups were so sad. They thought they were in trouble for "messing" their kennel. They wanted to cuddle at a time when cuddling would mean me wearing a biohazard suit. I attempted to corral the puppies in the bathroom until The Redhead got home to deal with the situation at ground zero kennel. In the meantime I sprayed down a hankerchef with Febreeze and tied it around my nose. I stayed locked in the bathroom except for emergency runs outside with wet puppy dogs who at this point were so cold their legs were shaking.
Called the Redhead again. Says he is 20 minutes away. Once again emphasized the explosion at ground zero kennel. Don't think I got through. Gave the puppies bath #2 cause...what else are you going to do locked in a bathroom with a Febreeze rag on your face. 20 minutes later called The Redhead again. I'm starting to become irritable. He says he will be there in 10 minutes. Well, at least he is getting closer. The explosions are starting to decrease. Puppy dogs are very sad and very tired. They had a bad day. A really bad day. Don't know what time the kennel turned into a mine field. By the looks of it I am thinking it started about 5 minutes after they got in there. Poor things.
Finally, The Redhead pulls in. He witnesses a few explosions in the snow. "Whoa" he says. (except with a few more cuss words) Walks inside to ground zero kennel. Holy crap this is bad!! (except a lot more cuss words) I tried to tell him. I offer him my Febreeze rag. Doesn't want it. Don't puke I say. He almost puked twice.
So glad I waited in the bathroom and didn't attempt to resurrect a new kennel at ground zero.
Called The Redhead. Promised he would be home in 20 minutes to deal with the kennel. Don't think he understood when I said "explosive". I meant EXPLOSIVE! As in your gonna have to wipe down the walls and the couch probably needs a new home in the dumpster. Finally gave bath #1. The poor pups were so sad. They thought they were in trouble for "messing" their kennel. They wanted to cuddle at a time when cuddling would mean me wearing a biohazard suit. I attempted to corral the puppies in the bathroom until The Redhead got home to deal with the situation at ground zero kennel. In the meantime I sprayed down a hankerchef with Febreeze and tied it around my nose. I stayed locked in the bathroom except for emergency runs outside with wet puppy dogs who at this point were so cold their legs were shaking.
Called the Redhead again. Says he is 20 minutes away. Once again emphasized the explosion at ground zero kennel. Don't think I got through. Gave the puppies bath #2 cause...what else are you going to do locked in a bathroom with a Febreeze rag on your face. 20 minutes later called The Redhead again. I'm starting to become irritable. He says he will be there in 10 minutes. Well, at least he is getting closer. The explosions are starting to decrease. Puppy dogs are very sad and very tired. They had a bad day. A really bad day. Don't know what time the kennel turned into a mine field. By the looks of it I am thinking it started about 5 minutes after they got in there. Poor things.
Finally, The Redhead pulls in. He witnesses a few explosions in the snow. "Whoa" he says. (except with a few more cuss words) Walks inside to ground zero kennel. Holy crap this is bad!! (except a lot more cuss words) I tried to tell him. I offer him my Febreeze rag. Doesn't want it. Don't puke I say. He almost puked twice.
So glad I waited in the bathroom and didn't attempt to resurrect a new kennel at ground zero.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Wineries
Went to the winery with some girlfriends the other day. Visited a new one...Rustle Hill winery. It was nice. I haven't found a winery I didn't like. I feel so sophisticated at wineries. Everyone is sitting around, sipping wine with their pinky fingers out like we are royalty. The scenery is beautiful even on a cold winter day. There are winery dogs and winery cats walking about. This particular winery had a dog with a leopard print fur coat on. It was a cold day here is Southern Illinois. Only 8 degrees. I guess dogs even need fur coats in this weather. My new years resolution is to visit more wineries with friends. I am making a goal of visiting a winery once a month...we will see how that goes.
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